Avery C. Castillo
LIVING INSIDE A BODY THAT IS EXPONENTIALLY DECAYING
Day by day, night by night, waking to light
settling in from the window covered by white curtains
An escaped eyelash and a reddened cheek
planted heavy on pillow
milliseconds from reality and achiness
The first morning inhale cues
elbows snapping at their hinges
commencing the morning’s dues
There is an unlocking
down my forearm to hands
that yearn for easy touching
a reminder that nothing is easy
so, I make my first thought: let today be great.
I step out of bed, the weight of me
holds me to my landscape—my landscape meets
my hurt, I walk towards a drawer, let today be great,
pills before coffee, coffee before the day grips
With stiff hands cradling the brush
smooth hair
paint a smile
this face
holds on
for dreams
come true and gone
for lovers
true and not
for one more second
for one less second
to hurt and still give
to hurt and still give
I hold myself:
let today be so fucking great