H. Lee Coakley
ADMISSIONS PAPERWORK
the most disgusting thing i can think of
is when i ate three quarters of a tray
of brownies in twenty minutes &
then put the rest in the trash &
poured dish detergent over them, as if to say enough
& then sat down,
because i knew it wasn’t.
& then after a little while i got
back up & went to the trash & pulled out the brownies & ate the rest of the tray
that tasted like lye - like how i imagine acid corroding metal
feels for the metal.
& to be honest, i’ve always felt that way,
barely managing not to ooze my life out of these
tiny, ragged holes,
but never as much as i did shivering on the tile,
watching half-digested brownie & soap flush away,
watching myself stay.
it seems obvious, but
it’s only lately that i’ve realized
there must be a different way
of watching time
than the through eyes of this
body bound
to persistence & disaster,
where morning after morning
i wake to find soft wreckage.
& i, the only survivor.